


Someone to Watch Over Me

by Anime_aesthetic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ace/Aro!Kenma, Angst, Bokuaka mention, Fluff, Gen, Gender fluid!Kenma, Iwaoi mention, Multi, Other, Past KenHina, anxiety mention, drug mention, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 13:04:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4102006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anime_aesthetic/pseuds/Anime_aesthetic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As an anxious teen, Kenma has two things to keep him at bay from anxiety attacks; gaming, and drugs. Three if he includes his best friend who he's in love with, who is always there to watch over him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someone to Watch Over Me

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry that's such a terrible summary, but its worth the read! This is my first post on AO3 so yay!!! This fic is loaded with personal headcanons, including my favorite ace/aro gender fluid Kenma and pan Kuroo! So gender neutral pronouns for my precious child and a nervous, protective Kuroo. Drug mention and anxiety mention, so trigger warning just in case. Enjoy!!

Kenma’s transaction was fast enough. The man came, they exchanged money for goods, and just like that the man was gone. A hint of a smile was illuminated by the phone in their hand while sitting on their bed.

 _“Kuroo. Come over.”_ Sent 9:59 pm.

Kuroo was the only person they could trust to watch over them while they experimented with new drugs. Today’s drug of choice was molly. While they would never admit it out loud, they were very grateful for ever-smirking best friend who invaded their life and choose not to leave.

_“K”_

The phone buzzed and a few minutes later they heard the door slide open and their cat-like friend slipped in. For such a tall and built person, he knew how to be quiet. Kenma peered up from the gaming device, battle music playing in the back ground.

“Yo.” Kuroo graced him with his usual smirk, dropping his overnight bag carelessly on the floor, dropping himself to the bed next.

“So, what’s on the menu tonight?” Kuroo took his phone out to open his online notepad where he kept track of everything Kenma has tried and how it turned out.

“Molly, two pills. Instead of taking the pills though, I think I’m going to snort them.”

Everything about Kenma was surprisingly average, from his height, to his body build-up, to his voice. For how small and occasionally feminine he was, his voice was pretty low. What wasn’t average about him though was everything that was happening in that head of theirs. Kuroo had known him since they were young, and it wasn’t until recently that Kenma had some not-so-surprising but still nice to know news.

_“Kuro- I- I think I’m not necessarily a boy.”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“Please, could you- um- please- just- use gender neutral pronouns and such?”_

_“Of course.”_

_“Because I’m pretty sure I’m- just not a boy. I don’t know.”_

Kuroo hummed in reply while his fingers tapped the information in. In addition to the annoying clicks coming from the smartphone, Kenma sighed after pausing thier game and rummaged their pockets to find the baggie and placing it on the white computer desk. Kuroo watched carefully as ever. He understood why Kenma enjoyed drugs so much. For an asexual/aromantic gender fluid kid who constantly submerged himself into virtual worlds, real life was exhausting for his friend. The blond kid has never been good with people, so that only worsened their disgust for all the expectations society had set up for him to fit in. “Be big, be manly, be sociable, look normal, love people, have sex, geez, just be normal.” After about a year of trial and error in junior high on different anti-depressants, Kuroo had seen some scary things from Kenma that he never expected of his quiet friend. The cuts, the scars, the writing they had done to vent problems since they had no one to talk to. Kuroo was there the whole time, but Kenma had yet to warm up to him.

It wasn’t until their first year of high school when Kenma finally began to acknowledge the friendship they had built in junior high. That was also the year they got off of antidepressants and joined the volleyball team, determined to get over their depression instead of continuously treating the symptoms. Of course, Kuroo found all of this out one weekend when Kenma decided to drink lots of alcohol without telling Kuroo ahead of time. Texts became less and less understandable, and at 3 in the morning Kuroo was holding back blond hair as he watching his friend throw up, the alcohol burning more as it came up than it did going down. Tears streaked the kid’s face and they couldn’t even bring themself to talk. It was after that night Kuroo promised he would always be there to watch over them. Kenma had been grateful for their best friend, and Kuroo was just happy to be have an excuse to be around his friend more often.

With Kenma’s little razor blade on the desk they split the pills and neatly sifted the powder into two little lines. As Kenma ducked their head to inhale Kuroo made sure to note the time on the notepad. Like the cunning cat he embodied, Kuroo adjusted himself on the bed so Kenma would be forced to sit in between his legs to resume playing their video games. With just a slight grimace, Kenma crawled between the boys legs and pressed play on their game.

Ten, twenty, thirty minutes passed and things seemed normal as ever. Kuroo switched between glancing at the game, to glancing at Kenma, to closing his eyes and daydreaming about what it would be like to play with Kenma’s hair, or touch his soft skin, or- “Oy, quit wiggling around so much.” Boss battle music played and Kenma was using all of their body strength in hitting combos as if that would affect the impact of the blow. In reply to the demand Kenma let out a little moaned sigh. Observing as quietly as he could now, Kuroo dared not say anything as Kenma continued twisting and seemingly pressing thier body against his own, fitting so perfectly in between his legs and-

“Kenma, you’re driving me crazy. You gotta stop wiggling around so much.” His large spiker hands allowed for him to hide his now blushing face from Kenma. There was no way he would freak his best friend out with the fact that he was, in fact, very attracted to him. Everyone basically knew the sly, cat-like captain was pansexual, but his feelings about his little setter was a secret from most except Bokuto and annoyingly enough, Oikawa, who was just too damn perceptive for his own good.

“It feels so good.” Kenma’s eyes were now closed as they continued to lean back into Kuroo, rubbing their bodies together, yet not speaking above a whisper.

“W-what?” Kuroo was now short-circuiting. There was no way he would be able to make a move without losing his best friend. There was just no way Kenma could possibly be sexually attracted to Kuroo. Even the sight of Kuroo flirting made his friend’s nose wrinkle in disdain. Of all people, why did Kuroo have to fall in love with his asexual best friend.

“It feels so good. Everything feels so good. Just touching, and the warmth of you being in with, and-” Kenma interrupted his own sentence with another light moan. There was no way Kuroo could handle this. He attempted to sit up and get Kenma out from between his legs.

“Kuro. Play with my hair.” There was not a hint of question in the statement. Kuroo’s fingers made it to the blond hair, pushing them through the black roots only to be met with lewd sounds. There was a chance Kenma was flux, right? And tonight, maybe they weren’t completely repulsed at the idea of his best friend pleasuring him? That’s all Kuroo wants. He just wants Kenma to be happy. And yet the thought of playing along with Kenma’s high self now, only to be met with a furious Kenma in the morning made Kuroo anxious, which was not a regular feeling for the suave guy.

_Maybe just play along and leave before Kenma wakes up. Then maybe they’ll just think they were dreaming and be happy knowing I did not touch them._

_Bull shit._

“Kuro. Kiss my neck.” There was no denying Kenma’s demand. Not with their voice dripping with desire and their blushing cheeks. Leaning forward, he breathed down his setter’s neck, his lips hovering in anticipation of changing their mind and shutting him out. Kenma just seemed full of surprises however, and they leaned their body to force contact, and at that point Kuroo did as he was demanded to do. He kissed his friend’s neck softly, earning him gasps and sighs. With a slight shake of his head for even the thought, Kuroo mentally shrugged before biting down on Kenma’s neck. One arm reached around to caress Kenma’s jawline, tilting their head around and giving Kuroo a new spot to kiss and bite and lick at.

“Kuro-” Kenma called out, not in a demanding way for once, but in a… _sensual way_? Kuroo kept on doing as he was told, completely baffled at the entire situation. “Kuro, I-” The lips left his neck and steel grey eyes met golden.

“I love you.” Kenma’s voice hitched up along with his arms that suddenly threw themselves around his neck. “I love you. I love you so much. You’re always there for me and you keep me motivated and-” Kenma couldn’t help but smile as their eyes welled up with tears. “Just, thanks… For everything, I guess.”

In embarrassment Kenma buried their head into Kuro’s shoulder, still latched on tightly.

“Kenma…” Kuroo hugged him back as tight as he could without hurting the kid. The blond hair tickled his face and yet he couldn’t be bothered with moving it because that would mean letting go of his best friend. Before long, Kenma pulled back once again but continued rubbing Kuroo’s back, taking in how weird everything felt, and how welcome they were to all of this.

“Can I-” Kenma appeared sober. Second guessing if they were even high and maybe just messing with him, Kuroo laid back to out more distance between him and his setter and waited for them to complete their thought. Without saying anything else, Kenma leaned down and kissed Kuroo. On the mouth. His best friend just initiated an intimate act. With him. The in-the-closet best friend who is in love with this game-addicted blond volleyball setter. How could he possibly not kiss back?

“Kenma…” The whisper against his lips went ignored as Kenma continued to kiss him, seeming much better at this than expected. Kenma adjusted themself so that they could lay on top of Kuroo, letting their legs lazily draped across the taller friend and their arms still pressed by his head, now returning the favor of playing with his hair. Kuroo’s hands dropped from where they were and ran down his friends torso. Out of habit one hand found itself slightly up Kenma’s shirt, playing with their hip bones and holding his friend close. This blissful act seemed to last too short for Kuroo’s taste, but

“The boss battle! Oh fuck, I’m going to have to start the level over!” Kenma found their DS once again, and just as quickly as they initiated everything, life was back to normal now. Blinking in awe, the captain made no attempt to get up, so he simply continued laying where he was until his eyes grew heavier and heavier, and then the lights were off and Kenma crawled under the blankets to accompany him, though they continued their game.

“Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything before I go to sleep?” Kuroo didn’t bother to open his eyes as he asked his setter while half asleep.

“I’m fine Kuroo. Goodnight.” The bed shifted before he felt warm lips on his cheek.

Since Kuroo was finally in a place just to think, of all the time he has been with Kenma, he has never seen them give more than a hug. To anyone. There’s of course the forced hugs with family members, the group team hugs after winning a game, but never intimacy. But that’s the thing, Kenma is particularly good at keeping secrets. Like how much they loved their team captain, as more than a friend, and yet in a non-sexual and minimally romantic way. How the hell do you explain that to someone? Or their number of other secrets, like how the previous summer, when they met a little ray of sunshine named Hinata Shouyo, they couldn’t help but play along as they ended up kissing, and this little orange haired kid got all blushy, and insisted on wanting to touch them, and how could you turn that kid down? It wasn’t until after that Kenma figured out that he didn’t actually like sexual contact. As much as they liked video games and technology, they was not a robot (despite the idiotic jokes) and had a sex drive, but just, not towards people. Which is part of the reason Kenma despised themself so much. Why couldn’t they just show affection like everyone else does?

9 am, Kenma woke up to an empty bed. Unalarmed, they padded into the kitchen, confident they would find his captain there, only to be greeted by yet another empty place.

 _Did Kuro have to go home last night? I was just playing video games and- Ah._ Unlike alcohol, you do remember whatever happens while high.

_I told him I loved him. I confessed my love for my best friend and he left. I get I’m bad at the whole ‘affection’ thing, but I’m pretty sure that’s not the right was to react. Was he freaked out? Did he leave because he knows I’m asexual so it’s not like our relationship would even work. What if he hates me now? He did kiss me back though. Was it like what happened with Shouyo and he woke up to realize he was most definitely straight? Oh fuck. Oh god. I need to go. I need to leave- leave where? Who could possibly understand this?_

Ransacking their room for clothes and random items to put in a bag, they ended up at the train station as their anxiety attack finally subdued itself, reassured by the “I’m here for you.” message from Hinata as the go ahead to come visit.

*

 _Fuck. Why isn’t Kenma replying?_ Bokuto glanced at his friend over his steaming hot coffee between them.

“Yo man, you just have to leave them some space.” Bokuto’s wide owl eyes made anything sound believable and Kuroo finally lifted his head off the table with an exasperated sigh, locking his phone in the process. They had already gone through the re-account of last night, and the owl was just as shocked as the cat.

“The thing is, he still doesn’t know I’m gay!” With a sharp pain, he set the hot coffee mug back on the table, shaking his hand wildly.

“Kuroo, they aren’t dumb. The kid is one of the smartest people you know. They observe and analyse. They’ve been around enough gay people to understand that now.” The clunking coming from his friends cup as he stirred in more fucking sugar was on the verge of annoying. Kuroo gave another loud sigh before giving up and allowing his smirk to masking emotions as usual.

“Well if it isn’t two of my top 20 friends!”

_Fucking trashkawa._

“Well, looks like the trash king decided to grace us with his presence after all. Fashionably late, of course.” Kuroo craned his neck around to see the too-beautiful Oikawa Touroo turning the heads of everyone in the coffee shop. Oikawa simply flashed his typical peace sign while winking and sticking his tongue out before going to order his coffee as well. If Kuroo wasn’t so head-over-heels in love with his setter, and Oikawa wasn’t so head-over-heels in love with his ace, then maybe he would give him a chance.

“So, our little lover boy finally got his first kiss from Kenma. How cute!” Oikawa teased even though he knew how serious the situation was.

“At least I’ve now kissed my crush.” The pretty boy let out a sharp laugh as he basically glared at his coffee. Even Kuroo knew that was a little harsh, but he honestly didn’t know what to do.

“Listen closely, the great Oikawa will show you the way. As a fellow boy who has a crush on his ace who isn’t exactly out yet, tell him how you feel explicitly. Because dropped hints mean nothing at the end of the day when you’re still alone.” Oikawa took a gulp of still too hot coffee as an excuse for his eyes to be watery.

“Jesus Oikawa, don’t burn your throat.” Kuroo slid him his water to drink, ignoring the red rim of his eyes. This kid was so dramatic, but when he was genuine it really was heartbreaking.

“So, how do I go about telling my asexual, minimally romantic best friend that I do actually like them as more than a friend? Without scaring the shit out of them?” Bokuto laughed lightly.

“Dude, they're still your friend. They aren’t a dandylion. You don’t need to treat them like a kid anymore. My boyfriend isn’t exactly asexual, but he is the same amount of quiet. Their quiet because they want to make sure they don’t miss something someone says and be left out of the loop. Right now, you’re leaving Kenma out of the loop and it’s probably throwing them for one. I actually agree with Oikawa, blunt is the way to go.” Both friends looked at him expectantly, yet his half lidded, lazy cat face revealed nothing.

“Yeah, yeah.” His usual smirk continued on and sipped his coffee. Always easier said than done though.

*

“Kenma!! Hey!!” With no time to brace for impact, Kenma was nearly taken out by the bear hug he was forced into. Their hands were more occupied with making sure they didn’t drop the PSP than hugging back. Finally Hinata pulled back with a toothy grin, and Kenma genuinely smiled back. This kid was so infectious.

“So, we can go back to my house to talk, or go get coffee, or whatever you want!” Indecisive enough when they weren’t completely bogged down with anxiety and depression, Kenma was not up for making the decision.

“Your call Shouyou.”

_2 new messages from Kuro <3_

Kenma grimaced, sliding the phone back into their pocket. As their hand left his pocket it was immediately intercepted by Hinata, dragging him along as he mentioned something about how his setter has been acting weird and he was pretty sure it was nothing, but what if he had a crush on him? But “haha, of course not!” Kenma couldn’t bring themself to pay attention to the talking, rather focusing on how it was actually getting chilly and maybe a crop top wasn’t the best idea tonight. Kenma was relieved they were pulled into a warm coffee house. Hinata dropped their hand as they entered the store.

“Have you eaten?” Hinata’s eyes could practically warm up anything they looked at. Yet still not warm enough for Kenma to tell him the truth.

“Yeah.”

“Okay! We can just grab a table then and get some drinks then!” Hinata bounded off to an open couch with a table in front of them. A simple order of two hot cocoas and soon Kenma was making an effort to ignore the vibration of the phone in their pocket and focus on talking about the issue that made them take a train here in the first place. The kitten let out a large sigh before starting.

“Okay so, last night, Kuroo came over like he usually did. I got high on something you should never do, like other things I’ve told you to stay away from, and it ended up heightening my emotions. Shouyou, I told Kuroo my feelings I have for him. I kissed him. And he left. I woke up and he was gone.” Kenma blankly stared at their drink that had way too much whipped cream on top. They felt empty. There was no other way to describe it. They had poured their heart out, and now they had nothing. _Well, there is fear. Fear to check their phone, fear to see their captain, even fear to go back home because then their family would be worried and the teammates would be worried, and I’d be such a burden on them. All because I couldn’t keep my emotions to myself. And even now I’m being annoying and Hinata has to deal with my angsty self. Why am I so pathetic?_

Without meaning to, Kenma’s hands ran through his hair and he rocked back and forth, momentarily forgetting they were in public. Hinata wrapped them in a hug, knowing well enough by now what an anxiety attack looked like.

“Hey, hey. Kenma. It’s going to be okay. You are wonderful and talented, and you have no obligation to fit into people's expectations. And Kuroo know’s this too, he’s your best friend. There is no way he’d leave you alone. He knows more about you than I do, so really it would probably be better to talk to him anyways, but if he kissed you back then maybe he’s just too shy to tell you he likes you too? You’ll never know if you just shut him out. I know you’re scared of rejection, and I can understand, but Kenma, I’m here if you need me, but if Kuroo was shaken so deeply that he left without a word than that has to be an act of love. I know I’m younger than you and don’t have much experience, but from what I’ve seen from Daichi-san and Sugawara-san, love can be weird sometimes, but friendships last even if life gets complicated. Being asexual does not mean you can’t have a more than friendship with Kuroo, and I think he knows that too. It’s going to be okay Kenma.” Hinata continued rocking his friend, ignoring the looks they were getting from people as he finally finished whispering his little speech into his friends ear. “Now drink your hot chocolate before it gets cold. It’ll make you feel better.” Tentatively, Hinata kissed Kenma’s head before giving them their personal space back.

How long has it been since Kenma has been calmed down that easily? Their hands finally released from their death grip they had around their arms, leaving red imprints from where they held on for sanity. Cold hands were soon gripping the warm drink and they took small, careful sips as they worked on evening their breathing.

“Thank you Shouyou.” Kenma glanced at him to be met with his friend’s sweet smile, and Hinata took his cue to stop talking for a bit and let the kitten figure some things out in their head before speaking again. One big breath before Kenma reached into their pocket to check their phone.

_“Kenma, where are you?” Received at 1:26 pm._

_“Kenma, can we talk later tonight?” Received at 5:33 pm._

Kenma glanced at the time, not realizing how late it was getting. The phone buzzed again, causing them to flinch.

_“Please don’t shut me out Kenma. I think we might just have a misunderstanding, which is why I need to see you. Why won’t you answer your door? Where are you?” Received at 8:09 pm._

_“Please be okay.” Received at 8:10 pm._

The phone screen became hard to read as their hands shook.

“Shouyou, I need to go home.” Kenma tried to seem as calm as possible, but sugar mixed with anxiety was never a good idea.

“I’ll walk you back to the station!” Hinata gladly offered. They paid for their drinks and were back to walking in the mildly chilly night. The two silently linked hands as they usually did and took the light stroll to the train station.

“Thank you again Shouyou.” Kenma hugged their friend tightly around his shoulders, burying his head into his friends unruly orange hair before waving at the figure walking away in the dark.

_“I’ll be home at 10:30.” Sent at 8:14 pm. Read at 8:14 pm._

*

Kenma used their cell phone flashlight to help them on the way home, though their face was still glued to a portable gaming device. Fighting boss battles was definitely easier than fighting anxiety, even with one hand. They didn’t even notice their friend sitting on the porch waiting for them till they finally looked up after grabbing the house keys. Kenma froze in shock, not moving, not taking his eyes off their friend. The setter could already feel how hot his cheeks were getting.

“Kenma-” They flinched in reply, finally snapping out of the daze and opened the front door.

“Let’s talk in my room.” No matter how quietly they spoke Kuroo always heard them. Kenma gingerly set their bag on the floor once they reached their room and heard their friend come in behind them and close the door behind him.

“Why did you leave me?” Kenma barely even whispered, feeling their eyes sting. They bit at their bottom lip to keep from any noise coming out.

“Kenma-” He finally was able to turn around and face the captain.

“I told you I loved you and you left me! I understand that we can’t exactly have a normal relationship since I’m just, I don’t know, I’m just so many shades of fucking gay, and you’re- you’re not! And I can’t even give you affection like you want because I’m so repulsed by humans in general, and- Just why?” Raising their voice with those last few words, tears dropped without their consent as their gaze burned a hole in the floor. Kuroo’s feet began to move before his mouth did, and he roughly pressed Kenma into his chest in a hug.

“Kenma. Listen to me. I like you. Fuck that- I love you. And yes, as more than friends. If you’d ever bother to ask, I would have told you I was pansexual, but I never wanted to make you uncomfortable by just bringing up my sexuality randomly. I left because I assumed you would wake up and realize what happened and you would hate me. I never considered the fact that you actually liked me as more than a friend. And I’m okay with the fact that we don’t have to be sexual. Hell, I’m more than fine with that. As long as I get to be around you, and hold you, and get to be reassured daily that you’re happy, then that’s all I need. Kenma, I love you. And I want to be friends but more than friends with you and get to do whatever we did last night again every day. Maybe without the drugs everyday, but I will always watch over you and care for you because you’re so worth it. You’re worth so much. I love you so much Kozume Kenma” His hands rubbed circles against his friends back that was shaking with sobs into his shirt. Kenma grabbed the back of his friend’s shirt to pull them closer, if that was even possible. This was not actually happening. His friend did not actually just confess that his feelings were mutual. That is too good to be true.

“Kuro.” Kenma hugged him, murmuring his friends name in between sobs.

“Crying doesn’t suit you kitten. Come on.” Kuroo dipped his head down as his hand lifted Kenma by their chin to met his eyes. Kenma sniffled a couple of times, simply looking at his friends as lone tears fell from the corner of his eyes.

“Are you lying to me? About any of the stuff you said?” Kenma pouted and Kuroo felt his heart melt even more for his friend.

“Absolutely not. I love you Kenma. Can we date now and call it a night, because this is all exhausting?” Kenma wiped their eyes and smiled despite themself.

“I couldn’t have asked you better myself.” Kuroo kissed the top of Kenma’s forehead before letting his hands run down Kenma’s arms to hold their hands, leading them to the bed together.

“Do you need to level up on any of your games before we go to sleep?” Kuroo didn’t wait to snuggle under the covers and close his eyes, always sensing the presence of his friend around him.

“Let’s just sleep.” Kenma laid beside him and just held his hand under the covers.

“I really do love you Kenma. And if I get to romantic or gross please just let me know.” Kenma sighed and felt their lips tug up. A few silent moments of their breathing before he finally decided to reply.

“I love you Kuro. Goodnight.”

*

_9:15 am. 23 New Messages from Bokuto Bro_

_7 New Messages from Trash King_

_4 New Messages from Shouyou ~^.^~_

_Word sure does travel fast._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Feel free to follow my tumblr for more gay volleyball and other trash anime  
> animeaesthetictrash.tumblr.com


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